Rule nr. 9: After a fight, don’t go to sleep without having made-up
This old quote is golden. Prolonging the life of your anger intensifies the conflict. This generates resentment which can go into hiding and stay there for years. Even if you don’t manage to resolve your issue in one day, try to take care of your relationship and to not alienate your partner.
Learn to kiss each other before going to bed even if the issues between the two of you have not yet been solved. Just agree that you sleep on whatever issues you might have and you’ll continue the discussion the following day.
It is very important that you both feel safe, that you feel the love and respect of your partner irrespective of the mutual resentments that you still need to talk over.
Rule nr. 10: Accept your fights as the inevitable
You know what’s most important? It’s that you know that fights in a couple cannot be avoided.
Just accept the fact that fights are normal. Both of you must be morally prepared to get into fights, and you must believe in the fact that two people can fight and still cherish the love they have for one another.
Fights don’t equal hatred, they are just a means to resolve the conflict that emerged between two passionate persons.
Rule nr. 11: Try walking in the other person’s shoes
In any quarrel, you need to keep your empathy alive. You might not agree with your partner’s position or feel that they are being over dramatic or too sensitive, but you still need to try and connect to what they are going through in this moment.
Fear, anger, pain, loneliness, resentment?
You can recognize what they are feeling and take a sympathetic approach towards what your partner is going through.
Rule nr. 12: Never hit below the waist
No matter how angry and infuriated you are – don’t lose yourselves in this state. Don’t forget, even for a second, that you are in a relationship with your partner because you love them. When you told that person you loved them, you took a silent oath of kindness and sympathy towards them, even when things don’t run smoothly.
If you feel you’re losing control, take a deep breath, go out, take a walk and cool down.
You don’t know what to tell your partner when you see them again? Try to say what your partner had tried to explain to you before, but in your own words. This will make you other half feel understood and accepted. It will strengthen your relationship more than anything else.
To be continued…