Rule nr. 13: Never fight via SMS! That’s the road to hell!
Never engage in a text message war. Let your other half understand that you are more than willing to continue the discussion when you get home, or better yet, agree to meet somewhere and talk about the issue face to face. Text messages will almost never get your message accurate to the other side, the meaning you put into it will get lost somewhere among those few words. When you talk face to face, your partner sees your expression and can easier understand what lies behind your words.
When writing to each other, you won’t see the expression on each other’s faces and you’ll end up in an unenviable position. When you look your partner in the eyes and you hear their voice, your brain starts producing healthy hormones which make you relax and you only got a step from here to where you just want to kiss you partner and make up.
Rule nr. 14: Take your “time-outs”
At any moment during your fight, each of you needs to have the possibility to take a time out. You may be very determined to solve this matter here and now. Or you might be angry with the fact that your partner closed inside themselves.
BUT if they tell you that they can’t talk about this right now or they just turn around and leave, try to understand that they are on edge right now and can’t handle their own emotions. They probably know that the whole situation will take an ugly turn if you continue fighting right now. Insisting on it, chasing them, requesting that your partner gets back to the discussion immediately might make the conflict you’re having much worse. Sometimes you just need a time-out.
Rule nr. 15: Don’t use the “you’re no better” tactic
If your loved one is to explain what exactly is bothering them about your ways, don’t rush into giving them the “you’re no better” treatment. This strategy digs under the possibility of you understanding how your partner feels, and leaves them with the impression that you’re just not listening. It also leaves your partner feeling that you’re not interested in how they feel and you’re not willing to change your behavior. Just keep in mind what they told you, and later in the conversation you can tell them what’s bothering you about their behavior. Don’t do it right away after your partner, that will take you nowhere.
Rule nr. 16: The fights with your partner are personal and should remain that way
Talk about your resentment and dissatisfaction only to your partner. Don’t talk about that with your friends and family. And don’t, under no circumstances, talk about it on social media. You need to keep the respect you have for one another-that’s what’s most important, and if you do, you’ll be able to figure a way out together.
Rule nr. 17: Avoid fighting at night
You have a difficult talk ahead? Never agree to enter it if you’re stressed out, tired, running out of time or you’re focused on something else at the moment. You won’t have the necessary psychological pace or energy to get fully engaged in the discussion, and this will lead to additional misunderstandings and detachment. Just explain the circumstances to your partner and take a rain check on the discussion. If you love each other, you have the obligation to be respectful towards your partner’s need to talk things over. In any fight or conflict you need to cherish your partner’s feelings.
Rule nr. 18: Never cross the line
When you’re in the middle of one of those ugly fights, you need to remember about the line that should never be crossed. Each couple has their own set of issues that must not be touched, and they vary depending on time, place and circumstance. For instance, how would you feel if someone threw unpleasant words at you or yelled at you in public? Wounds caused in fights are hard to heal so it’s better to avoid causing them. Take the necessary time-out as soon as you feel that your fight is getting out of control and resume your discussion when the spirits have calmed down.