The biggest mistake you can do is think that people who are strongly committed to each other never fight. It’s quite the opposite. They fight, but their fights make their relationships even stronger. Is it a paradox? Nope! It’s just the art of fighting the right way. You have to learn it. So rule nr. 1 is:
always fight about one thing at a time.
Usually, when two close people have a fight about something, each of them starts remembering hundreds other resentments so they can become the “winners” of the fight. But this is absolutely wrong. This is unproductive, drains you emotionally and worsens the situation. You can’t address more than one problem at a time. So fight about one thing each time.
Rule nr. 2:
Be honest in conveying your emotions
It’s very important that you’re emotionally sincere. Learn to speak your mind. Most of the time your fight goes something like this:
-Honey, what’s wrong?
That’s not the way to do it! Do not hide your arguments. You need to sort things out, you need to get to the essence of the problem and be brave about it. At first your bravery might encounter some “hindrances”, but in the end of the day, emotional honesty is your only chance to overcome the issue and strengthen your relationship.
Rule nr. 3:
own up to your part of the guilt.
Of course it easiest to blame the other person for the entire issue. But this is almost never true. But it is indeed quite difficult to admit that you have your part in this fault, and you usually see only one guilty person: your other half. Be honest, hand on heart, and admit to what you’ve done to create the issue. And then, ask yourselves how you can contribute to solving the conflict. And no matter how difficult it is for you, you need to switch from the usual “It’s all you” to “I will also try to…”. Trust me, this will considerably increase the chances that your conflict is solved and relationship salvaged.
Rule nr. 4:
do not drag out the conflict.
In order to make things right in your relationship, it’s not necessary that you stay endlessly offended. Of course, after a conflict and a fight, you might need some time to yourselves, to calm down and rationalize things. The silent treatment or otherwise dragging out the conflict will for sure pour oil into flames and will generate a range of problems in the future. Refusal to accept apology and start communication again will prolong the negative state of the relationship, especially when one of the two people truly wants to mitigate the conflict. I can understand that you might want to play the role of the offended for a while, but still do your best to sort things out and resume communication within a relatively short period of time, and you’ll see how positively that will reflect on your relationship!
To be continued…